Everything has rules. School, work, even science has rules.  There are laws of physics at work on earth every day.  There are also rules for those of us who have to deal with chronic illness.  And as is the usual case, there are penalties for not following the rules.  Unfortunately, the waters are muddied by cross relationships that result in random frustration which I have illustrated here with some amount of humor.  So here are the Chronic Illness Rules…

The Rules of Chronic Illness:

1. You have the right to a burst of energy.  Any energy you feel may be held against you in the court of extreme fatigue.

2. Some meds must be taken with food.  Some meds must be taken on an empty stomach.  It is inevitable that the window for said medication is extremely narrow so plan your meals accordingly.

3. No matter how much money you make and/or how much insurance you have, you WILL be paying out of pocket for treatment…if you want to feel better.

4. No matter how many times you explain it or how effectively you communicate, there will always be friends and family who just don’t understand.

5. Just because you take one pill or cut out one food or have one treatment and it works once, doesn’t mean it will work forever.  Your body changes over time and you will need to reinvent the wheel eventually.

6. Stress makes all treatment virtually null and void.

7. Avoiding stress is impossible when you have a chronic illness that depletes the chemicals and vitamins and minerals that allow you to cope well with stress.

8. Avoiding stress can be very stressful.

9. Everything you are not supposed to eat will be the ONLY things you feel you can tolerate when you really don’t want to eat.

10. There will be times when all you want to do is eat.  Don’t.

11. There will be times when nothing anyone says or does will make you want to eat.  Do.

12. There will be times when you will both want to eat and not want to eat at the same time.  (I got nuthin’)

13.  Getting up too fast will make you dizzy.

14. Not eating will make you dizzy.

15. Trying to figure out if you took these pills already will make you dizzy.

16. Wandering into a room for the fourth time and not remembering why is normal.

17. Hearing the crackling of the fire that is NOT in the fireplace means you left dinner on the stove over an hour ago.

18. No matter how hard you try to pretend you are ok, there will come a time when you will need to talk to someone.

19. Talking to someone about what you are going through won’t help because you picked someone who just doesn’t understand so they told you to pray harder, choose joy and exercise.

20. Talking to someone you thought would understand won’t help because you picked a time when they are going through a tough time too.

21. Keeping everything to yourself sounded pretty good anyway.

22. Not talking to anyone about how you feel makes you cry.

23. Talking to someone about how you feel makes you cry.

24. Watching toilet paper commercials makes you cry.

25. After crying so often, you will finally get some sleep and wake up with a burst of energy.  (See rule number 1)

Did I miss any?  I’m sure I did.  Please share!