I wasn’t going to write a post this week…or any other week for the foreseeable future.  I’d had enough and I didn’t know what to say anymore.  In fact, I wasn’t on social media either.  For the last week, I’ve been too busy trying to run three business and in too much pain from arthritis, fibro, TMJ, and a shoulder injury from over three months ago to do much of anything else, I’d decided.

Well, it wasn’t just that.  It was the last straw.  I was okay after years of chronic illness and financial struggle. I was okay with two years of being subscribed to the Crisis a Month Club in which we lost 25+ electronic items to a lightning strike which started a small fire in our home, our car to a flash flood masquerading as a puddle, gallbladder surgery…  I was still okay after my dh lost his job due to discrimination.  I was even okay when, already in pain and struggling to make ends meet running three businesses, we had to move because our lease was up.  I was as yet still okay after the pain in my shoulder  increased and after having to pack up an entire house and clean it while in excruciating pain and crushing fatigue.

Then, it happened.  The last straw.  The straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.  That camel was pretty strong, but this last thing just crushed its spirit…MY spirit.  The owners of our previous rental house threatened to sue us.  SUE US!  Though they agreed we kept the house well (Mr. Owner even told Mrs. Owner that I kept the house cleaner than SHE did…and Mrs. Owner TOLD ME SO!), they wanted $2500 for landscaping that wasn’t kept up to their standards.  Never mind that we were the tenant and not the owner, or that landscaping wasn’t in the lease, nor was much of it within our control, but they wanted it their way or they were going to sue us!  SUE US!?  These were the same people who had questioned us about where we were going to go to church before accepting us as tenants.

But they were also the same people who, when we were involved in a roll over car accident just after we signed the contract, never bothered to send a card or say they were praying for us, but instead asked when the check would get there for the first month’s rent.  These were also the same people who didn’t even know my husband had lost his job because we made the rent payments on time EVERY month.  And when they did find out, they never said they were sorry that happened to him or said they’d pray for us.  They wanted their walk through at THEIR convenience, they wanted to turn off our internet two days early because it was more convenient for them, and they wanted their rose bushes even though the harshest winter in 30yrs had destroyed them before we ever took possession.

I had a hard time getting through that one.  I had a tough time knowing they called themselves Christians and were so ready and willing to take us to court before ever really discussing it with us. Knowing they never expressed any issue until we were moving out when they had been to the house on several occasions.  I had a difficult time, and still do, feeling as if I had never been hurt more by anyone than by fellow Christians. 

It took two weeks of our lives to deal with this.  Two weeks that would have been better spent on our businesses, unpacking, and recovering from the pain of all the work of moving and stress from the last two years.  In order to avoid court and more time we couldn’t afford to lose, we settled and I was angry.  Angry that these people who called themselves Christians were so consumed with what they wanted that they couldn’t see that this wasn’t fair or that we were hurting.  They couldn’t bring themselves to express concern much less uplift us and that they could so easily resort to legal means without any discussion. 

I was angry.  Angry that when we were in a serious car accident, they never expressed concern, but when Mrs. Owner had surgery on her foot, I sent her a card she never even acknowledged receiving.  I was angry.  Angry that I spent all my energy and endured severe pain making her house clean for her (including cleaning baseboards, door knobs and folding the toilet paper like they do at hotels) and that our new house had pee all over the bathroom walls and mold in and on the toilet.  I was angry and I didn’t see a way past it. So I didn’t have anything to say.  I didn’t post on Facebook…even on my fan pages.  And I didn’t intend to write another blog post for a while–a long while.  UNTIL…

Sunday morning, during my prayer time, I was crying out to God.  I told Him how overwhelmed and frustrated I was trying to run three businesses.  I told Him how the only things I seemed to look forward to was any time I could actually sleep and taking long sizzling hot showers to relieve the pain.  And I prayed that He would take this away from me.  All of it.  All along God had been saying no.  But He led me to a devotional that morning where I read, “When God says no, it is an opportunity for you to be an example.”  I hadn’t been a good example lately.  I knew it and that’s why I wasn’t going to post.

Then, later at church, the pastor said that sometimes when we are going through deep waters, we try to get more of God, but don’t feel like we can.  He said, “Instead of trying to get more of God, we should be giving God more of US!”  That’s exactly what I was trying to do by reading more and more of my Bible each day–trying to get more of God.  He asked those who felt led to give more of themselves to God to come forward. I did.  If I am willing to give more of myself to be used by God, He can use me. If I’m willing, He can mold me.  If He molds me, I will feel more of His peace.

So that’s the plan.  Nothing has changed.  I’m still in a great deal of physical pain.  My dh is still unemployed.  We are still struggling to run three businesses.  I’m even still angry at that couple, BUT I am now willing to allow God to work in me to change all of that.

After arriving home from church I sat down and wrote this post, but God had even more insights for me.  I went on Facebook to look around a bit and found two things that jumped out at me:

“Don’t think about the people in your life who don’t care about you.  Think about the ones who do care about you.” -Author Unknown

“Turning down the volume of life allows you to listen carefully to God.”  -ODB.org

I’m going to spend more and more time thinking about the few people who left encouraging and uplifting posts for me on my Facebook wall while I was gone and less time thinking about that couple.  I think this week off Facebook was a gift from God allowing me to spend time in His Word and listening to His direction.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” -Psalm 37:7 

Speaking of people who have always encouraged me, I got another unexpected blessing that day.  My dear friend Susie Glennan from The Busy Woman  private messaged me that she had done a favor for a fellow business owner by sharing their post.  They had apparently tried to reciprocate. However, instead of reposting one of HER posts, they ended up reposting something she had reposted about one of MY businesses!  LOL  Here is a sweet friend who has had my back for years!  She did me a kindness by sharing a link I had posted about my business.  She did another kindness for someone else by doing the same for them.  Instead of being repaid in kind (having that person share about HER business), that person inadvertently did ME a kindness by sharing about MINE.  While it may not have been an answer for her, I pray God will bless her back for all the times she has been there for me.  So, please go check out her site and see if Susie can help keep you organized!  You can even sign up for The Busy Woman News and get a free organizing report! She’s terrific and so is her business!

The last two Sundays we have been attending a class at church for those who want to learn more about ways to share the faith.  The last class asked us to think about what God had gifted us in.  What did God want us to do for the Kingdom of God and for others.  I feel strongly called to uplift and support those struggling with chronic illness so I wrote this post. Then, something else happened that gave one of our businesses a boost.  I’ll share more about that later, but the point is, that when I gave more of me to God to use for His glory and purpose for my life instead of trying to get more of God for myself, He began to reward me with answered prayers.