I’ve always been a clown. I love making people laugh, especially myself.

The more struggles life threw at me the more humorously I saw things. Until one day when I just couldn’t find anything funny to say.

So I just didn’t post that day on Facebook…or the next day, or the next day, or the next. A week went by. Unable to deflect my frustration, overwhelm, and sadness with a joke, I just remained silent until…

2014 was not a fun year. It started wih a car crash, continued with a lightning strike, a small house fire, the loss of over 25 electronic items not covered by insurance, a flash flood that claimed the life of our car, gallbladder surgery, and ended with copays and additional “expenses” that threatened to choke our budget. 2015 wasn’t starting out much better, but we were holding our own and so was my sense of humor.

Then a few weeks ago, my dh lost his job. He was let go without any explanation after repeatedly being praised for his work. After bringing our entire family cross country, after working for almost a year to establish a life here for ourselves and our teenage son, and knowing we were planning our dd’s wedding taking place in just a few months we had no income.

That next week, not only was my sense of humor MIA, but my anger and depression took up residence in its place. I had nothing constructive to say.

I did what I always do when I am down; I turned to my praise and worship music.  I began noticing more Facebook memes that all seemed to have the same message for me: God is my strength. I needed strength so badly just then. I didn’t want to lose those little hugs from my Lord so I posted them on my wall to read over and over when the tears came.

A few days later I began receiving replies and messages from Facebook friends thanking me for helping them through a hard time in their lives.  They asked how I knew they needed to hear that. I wasn’t doing it for them.  I was actually being selfish.  I knew that people followed me on Facebook for much needed levity.  I just didn’t have it in me anymore so I was posting only for me.

But, as usual, God had other plans, plans to use my pain to uplift others.

“Revive me according to Thy lovingkindness, So that I may keep the testimony of Thy mouth.” -Psalm 119:88

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