My life is…complicated.  What takes most people a few minutes to accomplish, takes me at least six or seven days.  Weird stuff happens to me and absolutely NOTHING is as simple as even I expect so…of course there’s a part five!

In order to fully comprehend the silliness of this post, you’ll need to become familiar with parts one through four of the saga: Freshly Pressed Glasses, Dr. StrongArm, I Presume, The Great Eye Glass Case part three, and There’s a Part Four?

The reader’s digest, but less humorous, version goes like this:

I broke my only pair of glasses in my sleep; the first eye doctor refused to examine me because I didn’t submit my eyeballs to her airsoft gun; the one-hour place took two days to make my cheap, back-up pair; and while paying for my main pair, I realized that my credit card had expired and that, in my brain fogged state several months ago, I activated and then inadvertently destroyed the updated card.

On Friday, after several days (and fearing part five was coming), I called to inquire about my order.  Lisa (receptionist) couldn’t find my order in the computer (not that anything surprised me by this point) and asked me to spell my name…THREE TIMES.  She said she found the tray with my order, but the lenses were sent to an outside lab for “finishing.”  I was encouraged by that word so I asked if that meant they were almost done.  She had no idea when they would be ready as the lab wasn’t open until Monday and there was nobody in the office to ask.

I called back on Monday and asked for the rep who helped me.  As luck would have it, Lisa informed me that Eric was not working that day. Finding no frames with the order, she asked if was going to bring my own frames in.  A bit shocked at spending that kind of money for two lenses I’d have to hold up to my eyes, I said “no, I bought them from YOU!”  At which point, she informed me that the lenses were still out at the lab, but instead of for “finishing,” she said the reason was that they were progressives.  Why yes, I’m blind as an OLD bat.  She said she had no idea what was going on, but she’d call the lab and call me back as soon as she found out.

Next, I received a call from Eric (remember he wasn’t working that day?????) who said the frames never came in and the lab couldn’t make the lenses up without them so NOTHING had been done to this point.  He was apologetic and vowed to call the manufacturer to find out where my frames were TOOT SWEET.  And…he’d call me back when he found out.

An hour or so later, Eric called and told me that the frames where in their office the whole time.  Someone just put them in with all the other frames and forgot to send them out to the lab or put them with my order.  Again, he apologized for the delay and assured me that they would be sent to the lab TOOT SWEETER.  He would also call the lab to see if he could expedite the order.  Eric also said he wished I had asked for him on Friday because he could have helped sooner.  Uh…were you invisible on Friday?   ‘Cuz Lisa said nobody else was there to ask.

Meanwhile back at the ranch…my old glasses are falling apart bit by bit…LITERALLY!  There’s a chunk that cracked off the side of the right lens, three deep scratches on the same lens, the decorative part that goes over the left arm fell off, the right replacement screw holding the lens to the frame is sticking up and is rather pokey.  Also the left ear piece is cracked in two and is pinching my ear.  The other day, the magnet that fits inside the left side of the frame to hold the magnetic sun glasses on fell out, but I was able to get it back in…well, sort of.

By all calculations and educated guesses, I should have my new eyeballs today, but I’m not holding my breath…unless you think it might help.