JoJoisms

Just Choose Joy?

Written By: JoJoisms - Apr• 27•15

Do you struggle with depression or anxiety or chronic illness? Do your friends and family tell you to just choose to be happy? Does that work for you? Me either. But here’s something I found.

cob web glassesOne of the criticisms I, and many chronic illness sufferers, have with the “Just Choose Joy” movement is that they usually refer to short-lived, PAST struggles taken one at a time. My readers and I know all too well that chronic illness is long-lived and comes with other chronic issues such as finances (as insurance doesn’t pay for most of our treatment) and relationships (because our relatives and friends just don’t understand).  It’s much more difficult to look at the world through rose colored glasses when you have dealt with chronic illness for 35 or 40yrs, have no income, no job or finances are a struggle, relationships are strained because your family and friends have no idea what you are going through and suggest things that will help you that, well, just DON’T.  It’s then that your rose colored glasses have some cobwebs.

Life got chaotic and painful after my dh lost his job so I began looking for devotionals to read each morning. More of the same: just choose joy. Most of the people who wrote these pep talks had never been through all the things I have and, if they had, it was over when they chose joy.  Most of them talk about letting go of the past.  I’d have no problem letting go of the past, but all of my struggles are still right here in the present!

Then I found one written by someone who had been through at least a few very difficult things.  I loved how nonjudgmental and encouraging she was.  Then, almost at the very end, I found it…

I’ve always had a problem with the “Name it and Claim it” crowd.  Not all who pray are healed this side of heaven.  I usually point to Paul.  He had some kind of health issue he prayed for fervently, but was never healed.  In her devotional, this woman referred to Paul. And it hit me square in the face.  He was never healed and chose joy DURING his struggles. She pointed out that in his letter to the church at Philipi, Paul wrote the word rejoice 14 times.  Here is a bit of what he wrote:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭4-9‬ NIV)

He was in prison, weak, and still in his health affliction when he wrote this!  But how DO we just choose joy?  The devotional is teaching me, some of it I’ve written about before.  It’s just that we don’t remember to do these things when we are sad.  We don’t always want to do them when we are in pain.  But we can choose to try.

The devotional is 21 days long.  It’s called 21 Days to Beat Depression by Carol McLeod at www.justjoyministries.com. I found it on The Bible App I installed on my iPhone and iPad.

Next week I’ll share what she says to do and how it’s working for me.

 

 

Our day off–oh the irony!

Written By: JoJoisms - Apr• 20•15

rutabagaThis will be a short post, but I thought you’d all get a kick out of the irony.

We’d been working an overwhelming and stressful 24/7 at our new business and were in desperate need of a break.  We needed some time to just relax, rest and regroup as a family.  So we headed out to Chicago to see a musical.  We purchased the tickets as a family Christmas gift.  Soooo….In desperate need of some time off to de-stress and be uplifted, we decided to take the day off and just enjoy some family time with our son, the likes of which we haven’t seen since my dh lost his job–even on the weekends due to the nature of our business.

So on Wednesday of last week, we set out for a fun day, a day to de-stress and be uplifted, and went to see the musical performance of…

Wait for it…

Here comes the irony…

Les Miserables!

You may now engage in hysterical laughter.

 

Miracle on JoJo Street

Written By: JoJoisms - Apr• 13•15

JOJOWHANDSWhen I was a little girl I loved watching Miracle on 34th Street at Christmas time.  Things just worked out for little Susan and her mother kind of like magic.  God uses his own brand of magic we call miracles to help His children in times of distress.  When we pray, we get one of three answers from Him: No, wait, and YES!  No is no fun to hear from God, unless you believe that His no means a BIG yes coming in the future to something better.  Wait is also no fun because very few of us have the patience necessary to endure the period of time we must wait.  But YES is a miracle!

Yes is usually the result of a prayer prayed in desperation because we cannot do whatever it is we need on our own. We call it a miracle.  There have been many miracles in my life that came from a YES in answer to prayer and some of which came as a yes answer to prayers I never prayed!  I could fill a book with all the ways in which God has answered my prayers with YES.  I’ll share that another time, but for now I’d like to share the ones that relate to my current biggest financial issue and source of stress: my dh’s job loss.

We had been reading and studying and researching real estate investment for years and several months ago we began setting the groundwork in place.  Just prior to my dh’s job loss, we filed an LLC and opened a business bank account.  We were poised and ready and already actively participating and had found our first deal.  I find it curious that the day my dh was inexplicably let go from his job, we had just found a buyer for our first real estate investment deal.  This came after we thought the deal was dead (a few times actually) for reasons that shouldn’t have been, but that’s a whole ‘nuther story.

The very first person interested called us out of the blue to ask if the house was still available because he knew an investor who wanted it.  Amazing, huh?!  And that wasn’t the last issue we had either!  There were several before and after that one incident, but we trusted in God and He found us an answer to every single one of the issues we faced.  We closed our first deal on a little house in Hobart, Indiana and made several thousand dollars profit at a time when we had ZERO income!  Further, we found a way to provide an income for our family without benefit of a job.

The average time out of work for people looking for a job like my dh is qualified for, is about 12 months.  Our funds will not last any where NEAR that long.  Further, our dd is getting married the beginning of June and our lease is up the end of June.  So from that perspective, things look pretty bleak.  But if you add a dash of God, a spoonful of hope and a WHOLE LOTTA hard work, you can see it working out pretty well.

Now, I’m not hear to tell you that everything is going smoothly.  Far from it!  We’ve run into several snags, road blocks and speed bumps.  Things that we expected to go wrong, things that are understandable could go wrong and things that had no earthly way of going wrong, but they did.

What I’m saying is that with enough prayer and hard work, we can get through this and make a living for our family…and THAT is a miracle!

“By stretching forth thine hand to heal; and that signs and wonders may be done by the name of thy holy child Jesus.” -Acts 4:30

 

Deliver Me

Written By: JoJoisms - Apr• 06•15

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATwo weeks ago, I shared the dark place I was in after my year of faith that never (always) was and my husband’s job loss. This week I want to share how God has begun to deliver me from that dark place into His light.  As is usually the case with God, it’s a series of small miracles that He allowed into my life that makes not only for a comforted soul, but a good story.  So go get a cuppa something good, sit back and watch how God works and begin to search for how He is working in your life.

The first thing I usually turn to when I’m battling something difficult is my praise and worship music.  It usually uplifts me, but this time my praise music only worked so well.  Mostly it just made me cry, but I needed to cry. Even though many of my friends, both on and offline, told me to just choose joy, I felt I couldn’t do that, even temporarily, without a good cry.  Sometimes you need a good pity party before you can move on.

Failing “Joy: The Musical,” I became a bit selfish.  I knew most of my Facebook friends followed me for some much needed levity and I must say I enjoy making people laugh, but I found I was unable to find the humor in things.  At first I didn’t post anything.  That went on for a week or so until my selfish need to find something to uplift my spirit took over and I began sharing all the memes I could find that spoke to God’s comfort.  What I found was something I never expected.  While I felt a bit better having these reminders as little hugs from God on my wall that I could read over and over again, God had other plans, both for me and my Facebook friends.  Those memes uplifted more than just me!  I began getting emails and Facebook messages from many who were wondering how I knew they needed to read that.  The fact that I had a hand in uplifting others made me feel useful.  At a time when I felt nothing was in my control, God gave me a small hand in doing something good for others.

Next, of course, was more concentrated prayer.  At first I didn’t feel close to God. I felt as if I were in a hole where His light couldn’t reach me, but then I began to feel Him near.  It didn’t change my situation, but it gave me times of joy even though I was still very unhappy.

Often I feel like I’m complaining if I, to use a word my grandmother used, kvetch to God.  I used to pray, but mostly for others.  I never really prayed for me.  What I found this time around was that expressing and sharing my feelings to my Lord was honest. Besides, God knows how we feel before we express it. You can’t pull a Jonah and hide from God what He already knows. God wants us to be real and He will help. I kept hearing in church from our pastor that it is hypocritical to walk into church and try to pretend all is well.  We finally told him and a few other church friends what happend and they are praying for us.

Then there is the matter of my happy pills–natural tranquilizers that help me alleviate the jitters and keep the stress attacks at bay.  The little voice in the back of my mind said it was a cop out to need them, but I had things to do now that we needed to make an income without benefit of a job.  I should just pick myself up by my own bootstraps, choose joy, trust God and move on, right?  Well, have any of you tried to pick yourself up by your own bootstraps?  If you are standing in them (the mess that has become your life), you cannot move yourself forward or pull yourself up by yanking on those bootstraps.  You need a little help.  I’m pretty small so my dh could lift me up, maybe even if he picked me up by my bootstraps.  Others might be able to help pick you up, but sometimes you cannot do it alone (because you’re standing IN them), even knowing that God loves you and is working in your life.  Sometimes part of what He is working in your life involves others: friends, family, doctors.  So after a month of taking these natural tranquilizers, I find I can calm down enough to do the things I need to do.

While I still have several times a day when the jitters hit, when I cry at toilet paper commercials, when I get angry at the towel because it landed in the sink instead of on the rack, when my insides feel like there are at least four other people in there, I do feel much better equipped to handle the overwhelming amount of things on my To Do List.

“To open a blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house.” – Isaiah 42:7

That brings me to the series of little miracles God did for us both prior to and in the aftermath of the job loss.  I’ll talk about those in next week’s post.

Stress isn’t the same as unbelief

Written By: JoJoisms - Mar• 30•15

This week, I had planned to share how God is leading me out of a very dark place, but something came up that I felt lead to address.

When a Christian reveals that she is stressed, some of her Christian friends will try to console her by saying to just have faith-as if belief in God will always fix the problem.

Stress isn’t always a matter of belief and God doesn’t always fix a problem you have. Many people are never healed; Paul was never healed. And anxiety isn’t always because of worry. It’s sometimes the sheer stress of having to deal with the natural consequences of trials in your life, especially when there are many issues going on at once. This is compounded when multiple struggles have gone on for a long time and even further by health conditions that put stress on the body and hormone changes that cause you to cry at toilet paper commercials.

My pastor has been going through Job for a while now and the theme of each week has been how Job’s friends, though they meant well, actually hurt Job because they gave uniformed opinions based not on scripture but on their own ideas of what Job was going through and what would fix his problems. They actually did Job the most good just by being with him at the beginning of their visit–allowing Job to grieve. Often the most help you can be to someone who is going through struggles (especially when there are multiple chronic struggles) is to be there for them, listen to them, hug them, pray for them, pray with them, and try to understand.

Stress isn’t the same thing as worry. You can worry about something without being stressed about it. A man can worry that his job isn’t secure prompting him to prepare a backup plan thus alleviating the cause of stress a job loss can inflict.

And worry isn’t a sin. It doesn’t mean you don’t have faith or aren’t Heaven bound. Mother Teresa worried that she wasn’t good enough.  All human type creatures worry, even the ones who attempt to appear pious refusing to admit that they worry.

Lastly, just because you trip, doesn’t mean you fall. Trials produce worry and stress. The Bible is filled with good people who stumbled. We are human. God knows we will stumble during struggles. But that doesn’t mean we’ve given up on God.  Worry doesn’t cancel our reservation to eternal peace.  That’s why God tells us to lean on Him. That’s what fellowship is for. That’s why there is prayer, both on our own and collectively.

Stress isn’t the same as unbelief. Anyone can go through a temporary trial and not get to the point of stress. Those of us who have chronic, long term issues know all too well how time can erode your strength. And those of us with chronic illness know that having other chronic issues pile up on top of you, while already struggling with chronic illness for years, can cause tremendous stress on the body as well as the mind.

Further, it is naïve to think that worry or stress will simply (and immediately) go away when a declaration of a belief that God is in control is made.  If the source of stress is still being dealt with, if there is a physiological reason why stress is manifesting in the body, and even if the stress is all in one’s head, this is a process much like the grieving process.  It takes time to master.  It seems only those of us who struggle with it truly understand.

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” -Romans 8:26

Next week I’ll share how God is beginning to lead me out of that very dark place.

Wearing my smile like a mask and my joy like a costume

Written By: JoJoisms - Mar• 23•15

It’s been a very difficult three weeks since my dh lost his job, especially after the challenges we had all last year.  As I mentioned last week, I had not only lost my sense of humor, but I was overwhelmed by anger and sadness.  I found myself thinking dark thoughts. Here is something I wrote during that time.

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Sad

I want to write sad words, the words my heart speaks, but I have to be an example.

I want to post dark images, but other Christians will tell me I have no faith.

I want to utter negative things, but some tell me that complaining only allows you to dwell on the problem and others have it worse.

So here I am, wearing my smile like a mask and my joy like a costume.

My dreams are filled with disjointed, nonsensical images, non-specific fear, and a sense of falling as if off a cliff to my death.

In the wee hours I find myself plagued by sharp pains, dull aches, nervous energy, and limbs that go jump in the night.

I want to cry. Sometimes I don’t even know why and sometimes I wish I could.

Odd, little things make me angry and I can’t always identify the source.

I’m tired, exhausted. I want to sleep, but I can’t and, when I do, the nightmares creep back into my mind. My soul longs for peace.

So here I am, walking through life as if playing a part…trying desperately not to break character and failing miserably.

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I am grateful to God that I can report that I do feel much better this week. I’ll explain a little more about that in next week’s blog post.  But for now, I just wanted to share how I felt because I know there are many of my readers who feel or felt the same way at one time or another.  It’s okay to feel sad, overwhelmed and afraid. It helps to trust God to show you the way home from there.  I found my way and I’ll share that next week.

 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” -Isaiah 41:10

I knew I was in trouble when I lost my sense of humor

Written By: JoJoisms - Mar• 16•15

Visual JoJoism43I’ve always been a clown. I love making people laugh, especially myself.

The more struggles life threw at me the more humorously I saw things. Until one day when I just couldn’t find anything funny to say.

So I just didn’t post that day on Facebook…or the next day, or the next day, or the next. A week went by. Unable to deflect my frustration, overwhelm, and sadness with a joke, I just remained silent until…

2014 was not a fun year. It started wih a car crash, continued with a lightning strike, a small house fire, the loss of over 25 electronic items not covered by insurance, a flash flood that claimed the life of our car, gallbladder surgery, and ended with copays and additional “expenses” that threatened to choke our budget. 2015 wasn’t starting out much better, but we were holding our own and so was my sense of humor.

Then a few weeks ago, my dh lost his job. He was let go without any explanation after repeatedly being praised for his work. After bringing our entire family cross country, after working for almost a year to establish a life here for ourselves and our teenage son, and knowing we were planning our dd’s wedding taking place in just a few months we had no income.

That next week, not only was my sense of humor MIA, but my anger and depression took up residence in its place. I had nothing constructive to say.

I did what I always do when I am down; I turned to my praise and worship music.  I began noticing more Facebook memes that all seemed to have the same message for me: God is my strength. I needed strength so badly just then. I didn’t want to lose those little hugs from my Lord so I posted them on my wall to read over and over when the tears came.

A few days later I began receiving replies and messages from Facebook friends thanking me for helping them through a hard time in their lives.  They asked how I knew they needed to hear that. I wasn’t doing it for them.  I was actually being selfish.  I knew that people followed me on Facebook for much needed levity.  I just didn’t have it in me anymore so I was posting only for me.

But, as usual, God had other plans, plans to use my pain to uplift others.

Revive me according to Thy lovingkindness, So that I may keep the testimony of Thy mouth.” -Psalm 119:88

Please leave me a comment below so that I know you were here.  It would help me to know that my writing is doing more than just attracting incoherent spammers.  😀

I have chronic illness and I write for YOU!

Written By: JoJoisms - Mar• 09•15

SadI write for you.  I write for all those with chronic illness who aren’t where I am or may never be.  I write for all those who can’t find the words to express how they feel to family, friends or doctors except with soft whimpers and cries.

I write for all who know what it’s like to be too tired to get up off the couch to go to bed.  I write for all those who are in so much pain each day they can hardly stand it.  I write for all those who feel alone or that nobody understands.  I write for all those who feel as if God has abandoned them.  I write for all those who don’t know how to answer the question, “how are you today?”

I write for all those who feel obligated to push themselves beyond what they can do because they don’t want to be seen as a wimp.  I write for all those who feel they have to justify their pain or fatigue.  I write for all those who are told they’re just complaining. I write for all those who have been told they just don’t want to get well.  I write for all those who are accused of not being a good enough Christian because they are still struggling.

I write for all of you who wish your pain would show on the outside so others would at least have some compassion.  I write for all of you who feel that without some heavenly inner strength, your disease would consume you.  And I write for all of you who don’t know that strength yet.

I have chronic illness and I write for you.

It is of the Lord‘s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” -Lamentations 3:22-23

Faith vs Experience

Written By: JoJoisms - Mar• 02•15

Pain1501My pastor talks about this. I never thought of faith this way before, but he’s right.  Our experience shapes us much more than our faith does because, if faith never becomes experience, it wanes.  It’s fragile.  Once I had faith in God. Now I have experience.  I’ve experienced God in my life, what He can do because of what He HAS done.

We don’t think about experience as it relates to God. We usually only talk about our faith.  However, we DO talk about experience where other things in life are concerned…like chronic issues, specifically, chronic illness.

I know what chronic illness feels like because I’ve experienced it for over 35yrs. Until I came to know my current dr, I thought of it in defeatist terms because my experience was with drs who didn’t help or couldn’t help me.  It was harder and harder to have faith that a dr would help because of the experiences I had.  But once I met my new dr, I had faith renewed that he could help me.  The fact that he has to some degree gives me experience with him and his expertise which strengthens my faith in him as a dr.

In this jaded world, we are skeptical until something is proven.  Our faith grows after we’ve seen what it can do.  Faith comes only after we have experience.  After we have a good experience, we tell others about it.  I told others about my dr after he began making strides to help me.  Only after you’ve seen a good movie or had a good meal at a restaurant do we recommend it to others.  First comes experience and then faith.

Our relationship with God does the exact opposite though we don’t usually think of it in those terms.  Before we can feel God’s presence in our lives, we have to have faith.  After our faith allows us to begin to know the Almighty, only then do we begin to experience a relationship with Him and that experience becomes real.  Think of it this way.  You have to have a kind of faith in people to get to know them on more than a superficial level.  Once you do, you experience them in a more real and tangible way.  Once you have a close relationship with someone, you can tell what he will or will not do before he will or will not do it.  This gives you a level of faith in that person’s character so high that it can withstand any rumor others may throw at you about him.

Why do I share this with you here on a blog for chronic illness?  Because we have a level of faith and experience with our illness that can either be helped or hindered by our faith or lack of faith in our Creator.  Why are some able to have joy despite the pain and fatigue and brain fog and all the other negative chronic illness issues while others cannot seem to?  In my experience, it is their belief in a higher power than themselves who is ever present in their lives and desires to help them through the tough times.

If you have not come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, I invite you to at least think about it. I’m not saying He will heal you, or that you’ll never experience pain or sorrow or illness or struggle.  I’m just saying that it will be easier knowing He loves you and will help you through the valleys of life until that day when you can be with Him forever in a place where there is no more pain, tears or fear.

Count the Good Days

Written By: JoJoisms - Feb• 23•15

cob web glassesI learn a lot about history and science from the movies. I remember watching, of all things, Poltergeist, as a kid and learning that if you count the seconds between the thunder and lightning, you can find whether the storm is coming or going.  Living in NW Indiana as I do, this has come in handy–especially after a lightning strike that took out over 20 electronic items in our home.  Now we count the time in between and feel better at least knowing that the storm is on its way out of our area and the house is not on fire.

The same can be done with our chronic health issues.  It feels awful to always be tired or have to ration energy or have to deal with pain or anything else on a daily basis.  BUT…it can feel better if you know you are getting better, even if it’s only slightly.  It can also feel better to know when you’re getting worse as you can help your dr determine what caused it.  So I say…count the good days.

Just having a diagnosis from a dr can help us feel a bit better.  At least we KNOW what it is and that it’s not all in our heads.  Count the good days.  Count the good hours or the good minutes if you have to.  Keep a log.  Write down what you ate, did, felt, had, encountered.  That can help determine why the good days or hours or minutes are more or less than they were.  Keep track of pain.  Keep track of fatigue.  Keep track of the good days.

Count the good days.  Put on your rose colored glasses and strain to see through the cobwebs or the cracked lenses…and then count the blessings they provide.  “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” -Proverbs 17:22