I was cooking SONday breakfast last weekend when suddenly I was staring an egg face…in the face.
And it was sad.
I’m not sure if it just didn’t appreciate its goose being cooked or it didn’t like my choice of seasoning. Maybe both?
Have you come come across faces in your cooking EGGsperience?
Please share EGGxactly what happened as a comment.
…And have an EGGceptional day!
JoJoism#458 “If all the world’s a stage and the men and women in it merely players, I’m the comic relief!”
I’ve been asked how I learned to write with such humor. I have to say that, as with most authors, my writing style is inspired by my life experience.
JoJoism#459 “My life is a series of comedy sketches. All I do is write them down.“
I can understand forgetting things that actually happened, but I used to think remembering things that never happened was a sure sign the little men in white coats would be coming to take you away. That is, until I experienced them for myself. Now I blame Hashimoto’s Disease and several other varieties of health issues for the extreme brain fog that has clouded my memories for many years.
When my daughter was young, I came home from work one day and distinctly remember putting my water bottle on the window sill. I distinctly remember because it was slightly thicker than the window sill and it took great effort to balance it. Further, I remember thinking how I have never done this before and how it probably wasn’t a good idea, but that it freed up my hands to go do a few things. I remember worrying that it may fall and spill all over. Only, after doing those chores, I forgot about the water bottle until that evening. When I went back and couldn’t find it, my dh and I looked all over the house. He accused me of making the whole thing up. I was incredulous. After all, I distinctly remember all the details of this event! How daft do you think I am?! And, yes, the next morning I found my water bottle on my desk at work.
I have since had several dreams at night where I woke up afraid that they really did happen. The other day I dreamed that I ate a chocolate chip cookie and woke up terrified that I’d have a hypoglycemic sugar crash.
Now here’s the really weird thing. I am allergic to smoke…meaning I have an allergic reaction to cigarette smoke. I can smell a cigarette four car lengths in front of me on the highway with all the windows closed through a sinus cold. My throat closes up and I feel like I can’t breathe. But in the last several years, I have that same allergic type reaction to the toaster and the smells of stove top cooking. However, I also have times where I constantly smell cigarette smoke that really isn’t there. I’ve smelled it in my house where nobody smokes, in non smoking buildings and even outdoors. The smell is constant and follows me wherever I go.
Anyone else have any experiences they never had? Please share. Don’t worry. Nobody’s in here but us nutz.
To get you up to date in the saga of The Great Eye Glass Case, check out my first three posts: Freshly Pressed Glasses, Dr. StrongArm, I Presume and The Great Eye Glass Case part three, by clicking on the links. And YES of course, there would be a part four!
This past Saturday, we checked out a bunch of websites, visited Costco and Walmart and a tiny eye glass repair place that sells sun glasses that fit over your glasses. I was deeply disappointed in what I found. I’m legally blind without my glasses so it’s rather dangerous if I have to take my sunglasses off while driving to put on my regular glasses because the clouds suddenly and without notice rolled in. I’m very sensitive to the light so I need sunglasses while driving in the sun, but the Blues Brothers were wrong. If it’s dark and I’m wearing sunglasses, it’s not cool! ROFL
It’s hard enough finding magnetic clip on frames, but to find them in a cute style…and here’s the kicker…in MY SIZE, is next to impossible! They don’t really sell them anymore and the ones they sell are HUGE! Remember, I’m 5′ NUTHIN’ and I can wear a toddler sized hat. They don’t make these for children or gnomes.
Well, as luck would have it (which is code for as God worked it out), the eye glass repair guy knew a place that sells a lot of magnetic clip on frames and has its own lab so the prices are GREAT. Or should I say, GRAPE? Because I found a pair in a plum color that actually fit my baby face. They even have uv coating, scratch resistance, polycarbonate material instead of heavy plastic and the bifocal area is longer so I can read better. End of story? Nope!
Cuz I went to pay with my credit card and realized it had expired in June! Yes, I had called in to activate the new one and in my insomniatic, Fibro and Hashi’s brain fog, tore up the wrong card! I was able to order the glasses and my replacement card is on the way. I should get my grape new glasses within the week, but if there are any complications, you’ll be the first to know! Well, technically, I’LL be the first to know, but you’ll be the second to know!
If you haven’t read the first two installments of The Great Eye Glass Case, you can catch Freshly Pressed Glasses and Dr. StrongArm, I Presume by clicking on the links.
After traveling around the city l@@king for an eye doctor who could see me that day, I made an appointment at my local Vision Works where I usually go anyway. Their doctor doesn’t work on Wednesdays or I would have gone to them in the first place.
They were apologetic and knew who I was when I walked in. The receptionist had left a coupon for me (for my trouble at their other location) which further reduced the price of the eye exam. They had already called the other location and asked them to fax over my forms so I didn’t even need to fill them out again. Unfortunately, the office agreed, but never did and I had to fill them all out again.
I signed the waiver, had my exam, picked out my glasses and was making payment when he told me I’d have to pick them up the following day because…wait for it…the lab tech is off on Thursdays!
He did offer to fix the lens on my old glasses (the lens was hanging on by a wing and a prayer) so it wouldn’t fall out when I was driving my son to his skating practice the following day, but he couldn’t guarantee that the rest of the bent parts wouldn’t break given enough time. I was grateful to know I wouldn’t find myself driving with one hand and feeling around the floor of the car for the other lens.
I went back the next day and picked up my beautiful and quite inexpensive new back up glasses. I see even better for distance now! They are single vision glasses so I knew I wouldn’t be able to read with them. I can watch TV, walk around he house, drive (except I really need my sunglasses!), but what I can’t do is see the computer. As an author, this puts me in a bit of a pickle. I pushed the monitor back as far as it would go and, if I take the wireless keyboard across the room, I can see the screen. Unfortunately, the print is too small to make out the letters!
I should get my new glasses in two weeks. Should be an interesting 14 days.
Believe it or not, there is a part four to this saga. Make sure you are subscribed so you don’t miss it. It’s the best one yet!
If you are just joining me, you’ll want to read yesterday’s hilarious post about how I Freshly Pressed my glasses. To continue this long and giggle-ridden story, I turn your attention to the very next day.
I have a thing about eyes. I figure if God meant for ANYthing to touch your eyes, He wouldn’t have invented eyelids! I’m pretty squeamish about anything touching my eyes including the concentrated airsoft GUN eye doctors use to test glaucoma! Now before you get on my case about how they need this info, let me explain that I’ve tried to do this twice. The first time I passed out after the first eye. The last time it was even before any readings could even be taken. Over and out!
I always share this before I go in for my eye exams and I have always been able to sign a waiver. I’m 51 and have worn glasses since I was about 12. I’ve been through this a time or two and it’s never presented a problem…until now!
After telling me it HAD to be done, the receptionist told me they would allow me to sign a waiver. After the preliminary exam, off I skipped into the eye doctor’s lair for my exam. Unfortunately, when I got there, I was met by Dr. StrongArm. She was less than happy that I had decided to go against her wishes. She told me I HAD to submit my eyeballs to her airsoft gun because it was A STATE LAW! When I told her it may be a state law that she could be held legally responsible if I don’t do it and I develop issues later on, it is equally legal to have me sign a waiver absolving her of any legal liability as I am significantly over the age of consent!
Obviously, I was an idiot who didn’t fully understand so she explained it to me as if I were 12. She said, if I did pass out, she’d call an ambulance. Oh, REALLY?! And how would that have solved the problem? She wouldn’t have her readings and I’d be on the hook for an ambulance bill.
So the state would rather I drive with an outdated prescription (or in this case perhaps only one lens) instead of just giving me a prescription without finding out whether or not I might have an eye disease that might perhaps affect my vision later in life? I told her that I understood perfectly, but I just don’t agree. In fact, it’s BECAUSE I understand that I don’t agree. I looked up the statistics and found that glaucoma affects less than 1% of Americans and I don’t have any of the markers.
Her next tactic was to justify my being lied to by the receptionist by saying that if a patient refuses the test, she *convinces them* 100% of the time and there isn’t a problem. It is, indeed, a rather *persuasive* argument to refuse to continue the exam on a 51 y/o legally blind woman with one good lens who has already inconvenienced her mother to drive her to an out of area location in order to get her new glasses made up within an hour. But I’m a stubborn old broad. I told her I just tarnished her record and I walked out.
Check back tomorrow for part three of The Great Eye Glass Case!
So the other day, I’m watching TV in bed when all of a sudden I realize I can’t see! Feeling around on my face, I discover I’m not wearing my glasses. Apparently, I fell asleep without realizing it and woke up after a visit from the glasses fairy. They aren’t anywhere I can see, though without my glasses on, I can’t see much of anything.
After feeling around all over the bed, to my horror, I find them underneath me and freshly pressed! They are mangled and so wide that the term”your big, fat face” wouldn’t describe the individual who could wear them. They are bent in two places so severely that they look like they could snap if you breathed too hard. The only option is to try to bend them back and, as I do, the screw snaps, the right lens pops out (and goes flying across the bed) and the plastic part that goes over my left ear is cracked in two.
It’s 10pm and I’m due to drive my son to his homeschool field trip the next morning where he is the final student (quota) for our group rate. My dh valiantly works on them–rigging them up to be almost functional and they hold together during the entire field trip. Unfortunately, two hours after I get home, I put my glasses down and the lens launches itself across the table. Another hour in the husband eye glass repair shop and I’m good to go and so I do…off to my eye exam appointment the next morning.
Tune in tomorrow for part two of The Great Eye Glass Case entitled, “Dr. StrongArm, I presume.”
I blame Hashi’s and Fibro for brain fog so thick I don’t remember to pray for myself. LOL I don’t know why it is, but I pray for my children, my dh and my friends, but I can’t seem to remember to pray for me. I gripe, I joke, I complain, I poke fun, but I hardly ever remember to pray when it comes to my own issues.
Then one day I’m sitting here writing an absurd blog post when a lone idea flies by and smashes me upside my overwhelmed head and asks, “Have you told the Lord?” Why no. What a novel idea!
I guess it could be because complaining to other people doesn’t seem too bad, especially when you do it with humor…but complaining to God just sounds awful, doesn’t it?
I remember reading a devotional once that said two things that struck me…upside that same thick skull I just mentioned. One was that it’s not complaining if you are truly sharing what is in your heart. The Lord wants to hear from us and He can help. The other was why we thought God didn’t already know about our complaining. I mean, it’s not like he didn’t see that Facebook post or was busy the day we talked our best friend’s ear off!
So the other night, during an insomniatic moment, I did just that. I talked to God. I prayed for His help. Know what happened? I felt better. Might try that again sometime. How about you? 😀
I have Fibromyalgia which means I have pain in various points on my body which travel to other areas without warning or notice. Along with that I also have strange feelings that aren’t pain, but are rather funny.
Almost every morning, I have a painful and stiff neck, shoulders and certain parts of my legs. Sometimes this is accompanied by spots of pain in other areas about as big as a pencil eraser that travel from place to place and time to time. In fact, it changes so often, when someone asks, I have to play “Find the BooBoo” because I’m not always sure where it will end up at that moment.
Along with headaches and pinpoint traveling pains, I have other odd sensations that baffle the mind and giggle the heart. Periodically, I feel like drops of water are dripping on my leg. Other times I feel like something is crawling on me, but when I look down or feel that spot, nothing is there. It’s not constant, but it happens enough to where I’m often surprised to find something actually crawling on me! lol
As my son says, “I don’t like pain; it hurts me!” But I also don’t like the weird phantom sensations because they make you question your sanity.
Tune in later on this blog as I recount smelling smoke that isn’t there. It’s a smokin’ story! LOL
A friend of mine took this picture in her home town.
Just in case you didn’t know how to park, here are your instructions.
1. You may not park in the fire lane
2. You may not idle your car in the fire lane
3. If you were allowed to park in the fire lane, you’d have to shut off your engine in order to qualify.
4. Laugh hysterically.
JoJoisms are my way of dealing with life’s difficulties. They are my quirky, humorous and sometimes profound commentary about life.
JoJoisms have no calories, no artificial preservatives and they are hypoallergenic! No JoJos were harmed in the making of JoJoisms. Void where prohibited by law.
