JoJoisms

Stepping into the 21st Century

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 10•13

It is with trepidation that I take my first steps into the 21st Century of cell phone service.  My dh finally talked me into giving up my old purple flip phone in favor of a smart phone-more specifically, an iPhone.

Unfortunately, my old purple flip phone isn’t so grape anymore. It was shutting itself off without permission, the battery was drained by a 20 minute call and then there were the latest issues.   It got lost on its way to view a text message (which I didn’t know how to answer anyway so I’m not sure why I was trying to read them) and it refused to dial into my voice mail to retrieve voice messages (which I managed with some degree of competence after repeated training).

As you might have guessed, part of my fear is rooted in my nontechie nature.  My dh’s iPhone remains a mystery to me-even in how to turn it on or answer the phone.  Texting is a task for more adept fingers and apps are a foreign language.

The second, and probably most troubling reason I’ve been avoiding a smart phone like the plague, stems from the fact that I’m only 5′ tall and my hands are smaller than some children’s.  My flip phone fits quite nicely into my tiny hand.  My dh’s iPhone is awkward to hold and hurts my hand when, for example, my dd calls my dh’s phone and wants to chat with me for 10-20 minutes.

Since it was my birthday, my dh decided to try to drag me into the 21st Century by bribing me with a monogrammed purple iPhone cover and I reluctantly agreed.

Can this Technologically Challenged and HTML Illiterate soul learn to use an iPhone without destroying any brain cells?  I’ll be posting more on this and related stories of what will likely be a long, frustrating and hilarious journey to iPhone competency.

PS: If you’ve been through this before, I’d love for you to leave a note of encouragement.  Post your comments here.

Today is Wonderful Weirdo’s Day

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 09•13

Purple Tongue TwisterAccording to a reliable source (a website that lists holidays people register), today is Wonderful Weirdo’s Day. I celebrate this special day because I’m a wonderful weirdo. I embrace my inner weirdness.  Ask anyone!  I’m a work-at-homeschool mom of two only-children who is all of 5′ nuthin’.  JoJo isn’t even my real name and I don’t own a middle name.  That’s how weird I am!

JoJoism #439 “If I had a middle name, it would be Weird, but I’m so weird I don’t have a middle name.” JoJoisms: Revealing Life’s Truths…as I think of ’em!

My theory is that everyone has an inner weirdness to embrace.  What’s yours?  Share something about your inner weirdo by leaving a comment below…

It’s my birthday and I’ll DE-age if I want to!

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 08•13

Birthday CakeToday is my birthday and it’s now official.  I’m DE-aging.  Last year I wrote the following JoJoism:

JoJoism#17 “Age is just a number. So after 50, I’m going to begin counting backwards. I wonder how long it’ll take me to pass my kids on the way down?” JoJoisms: Revealing Life’s Truths…as I think of ’em!

Last year I was 50 so this year I’m claiming 49.

Anyone want to join me as I age backwards?  I pass on the time warp baton to you.  How old will you be on your next birthday?

By the way, the picture is from a few years ago. I can’t eat cake anymore. My dh had this made for me as I love purple and collect purses.  Here’s how you make it:

Cut the bottom third or so off two round cakes and join them together with frosting.  Stand cakes up on a plate.  Add frosting with purple food coloring and coconut.  Add flower and outline bottom of cake with grape Red Vines.  Poke two more grape Red Vines into the top of the cake for handles.

Menopause Parking

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 07•13

CrazyOne of my favorite comedians is Chonda Pierce and I’m going to share some of her stand up with you all today.  Why?  Because tomorrow is my birthday and I’m in the middle of the menopause experience right now.

It’s not for the faint of heart.  And neither is Chonda so buckle up!  Here’s Menopause Parking!

Subscribe to JoJoisms.com and live forever!

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 06•13

It’s a bird. It’s a plane!  It’s a JoJoisms FREEBIE!

If I haven’t yet convinced you to subscribe to JoJoisms.com to get your daily giggles and help relieve stress, this Giggle Give Away might get you to click that little “Subscribe to JoJoisms Here!” link over there ============================>

If you subscribe to this blog, I’ll email you a free copy of my 3rd Book of JoJoisms (On Technology) for free!  Just forward any of your email subscription posts (that have come into your inbox) to me at jojo@artofeloquence.com with “JoJoisms Freebie” in the subject line. I’ll reply with a copy of my 3rd Book of JoJoisms within 24-48 hours.

3rd Book of JoJoismsI’m currently working on my project to put together 365 daily giggles in one eBook!  That’s one for each day of the year.  Each JoJoism will also come complete with a visual version or a short, funny story or article that illustrates that particular JoJoism. My first three books of JoJoisms are a taste of what’s to come.  This one is all about how frustrating technology can be and includes visual JoJoisms like the one shown here on the left.  <=======================

Be the first on your block to subscribe to JoJoisms!  JoJoisms are fun AND they are guaranteed not to rust, fade or crack.  Well, maybe they’ll crack…you up! Click this link and subscribe now…or your tongue will stick to the roof of your mouth, your nose will fall off and you will lose the will to eat chocolate chip cookies.

Subscribe to JoJoisms.com and live forever!  No really!  Well, not really, but subscribe anyway!  Oh, silly me.  I’m being too subtle.  I didn’t give you the subscribe link!  Here it is: SUBSCRIBE HERE!

 

NOTE: I received a few emails from folks who couldn’t subscribe.  Seems Google Chrome was not designed to allow you to subscribe to RSS feeds.  If you’re a Google Chrome user, you’ll need to subscribe using one of the other browsers. I’m sorry, but there isn’t anything I can do to fix this on my end.

Punctuality: it’s lonely at the top…of the hour.

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 05•13

wormThe trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it. Franklin P. Jones

I was always an early riser and I was afraid of getting somewhere late so I always arrived at least ten minutes early for everything.  My dh is one of those engineering and math types who can calculate how far away something is, how fast the traffic patterns are at that time of day and just exactly when you’d need to leave going how fast to get there precisely on time.  Sometimes the other drivers weren’t as keenly aware of his time constraints and necessitated a recalculation.

Now that I have had insomnia for over 14 years, I get up so early it’s not technically the next day yet.

Okay, fess up!  Who’s an Early Bird and who’s a Johnny Come Lately?

Remember: the Early Bird gets the worm…so you might want to reconsider and sleep in!

Fun with Insomnia Video

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 04•13

VIsual JoJoism213I’ve had insomnia for 14 years now.

I made this YouTube video last year to lift my spirits because I was getting so frustrated with it.  I pray it lifts yours too.

If you can’t beat it, make fun of it, I always say!

 

Here now is Fun with Insomnia:

1st Day of Homeschool Picture

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 03•13

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAEveryone on Facebook has been sharing their child’s first day of school photo.  I felt left out.  You see, homeschoolers don’t usually participate in these kinds of things.  We’re weird.  Well, weird in the sense that we usually do things quite differently than do public school kids/moms.

Most public school kids have to get up, get dressed, wait for the bus or are driven to school and get there by about 8am.

My son usually falls out of bed at 5am and heads to his computer where he starts his math lessons in the dark…and yes, he’s usually still in his PJs.

Today he started reading for his British Lit program at 5:15am.  He’s reading Oliver Twist this week.  Since I got up at 2:30 am, I was busy unsuccessfully trying to get a few more minutes of sleep.

So…here he is  (6:15am) at his computer doing his Geometry program.  I won’t show you a picture of me.  I’m still in my PJs too!

How many of you homeschool? How many of you do it in your PJs?  Fess up!

Yes, I’m Mean Mommy! Well, maybe not…

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 02•13

dumb questionThere is a stereotype out there that homeschooled kids have it easy because mom can give her precious child all A’s, but I have to tell you it’s not the case here at the Tabares Homeschool and Purple Emporium!  The only holidays my kids ever got were for Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I make them do their papers over if I don’t think they were up to their potential and I don’t grade on a curve. And not just because there are no other students to form a curve.

No, I’m known by my children as Mean Mommy!  My daughter made up the song and taught it to her brother.  There was a dance that went along with it.  Yes, I’m a strict homeschool mom.  No teacher in Service Days. No half days, no sick days, and they might need to do some educational things during the summer.

I always start them on the first full week of September.  So today is the first day of school and I’m already cracking the whip.  Yes, my son’s got a big day ahead of him because today…is a field trip!  ROFL

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

My son is a kart racer and his dream is to be a Formula One driver.  He’s had some experience the past year and actually holds the title for fastest lap at our local indoor kart racing place.  (And that includes several professional race car drivers who have tried to beat him!)

He’s transitioning to outdoor racing this year.  Getting track time is difficult and we rely on a friend to help us get his kart to the track so when we learned he could practice today, Labor Day, I gave Mean Mommy a day off too.

It’s September: How many of you are older this month?

Written By: JoJoisms - Sep• 01•13

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASeptember is my birth month.  I’ll be older this month.  How many of you are celebrating a birthday this month?  Do you feel older?  Are you a Spring Chicken?  Has your chicken sprung already?  Have you been well seasoned?  Or has your goose been cooked?

I was thinking about how I’m now entering the second half of my century here on planet Earth. I hope to live to be 100.  It’s a nice round number, don’t you think?

I was looking through some pictures the other day trying to find some of my daughter when she had Shirley Temple hair so she could prove to her grad school friends she was her double.  (Only cuter!)  There I am with my daughter. Its’ a few years ago so I’m a little more well-preserved in this one.

Anyway, I came across some old pictures of myself and I thought two things:

1. I was YOUNG ONCE!  and

2. I was THIN once upon a time!

You can’t go home again and I don’t think I’d like to.  However, it would be nice to shove that old woman out of my reflection.  She’s a bit more wrinkled than I’d like and she’s got some nerve wearing all my clothes!

So how many of you are older this month?  I hate to break it to you, but you all are!  Even if you’re a young whipper snapper.  It’s just that not all of you will be celebrating a birthday this month.  😀