JoJoisms

Peggy

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 30•13

This is hilarious on so many levels, but before I get into them, here’s one of my favorite commercials: Peggy.

Okay, the first thing that tickled my funnybone about this was that I had to view a YouTube ad before being able to see the Discover commercial.

Next, this is soooo typical of so many customer service departments of major companies.  You talk to someone who doesn’t speak English well and who really isn’t interested in solving your problem.

Also, the accent is adorable! Anyone know if this is an accurate accent?  My dd would know…Kelsey?  Sounds Russian.  Usually, you get someone from the Philippines.

I love how the phone wraps around each level of “upper management” before finally coming back around to…Peggy.

Finally, the look of frustration on the customer’s face is priceless and eerily familiar!

What say you?  Ever encountered Peggy?  Share your customer service experiences.

An Author’s Secret Fear

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 29•13

afraid

 

 

JoJoism #470 “Authors have a secret fear that if difficult times or weird stuff didn’t happen on a regular basis, they’d have nothing to write about.”  JoJoisms: Revealing Life’s Truths…as I think of ’em!

Fortunately, in 51 years on planet Earth, I’ve had a never ending stream of WEIRD and never had to worry about it.

How am I weird? Let me count the ways.

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 28•13

JOJOWHANDSJoJoism#439 “If I had a middle name, it would be Weird, but I’m so weird I don’t have a middle name.”  JoJoisms: Revealing Life’s Truths…as I think of ’em!

I’m weird.  I’m weird in so many weird ways, too.  Along with being middle name-less, I’m only 5′ tall, my head is so small I can wear toddler hats and my hands and feet are small-even for my size.

I’m a work-at-homeschool mom of two only-children (dd is 23, son is 14, none in between) who is married almost 27 years…to the same man!  I didn’t vaccinate my son. I only wear purple, speak in movie quotes and have such a restricted diet it feels like I’m on bread and water–only I can’t have the bread.

And those are just a few of my idiosyncrasies.

What makes you uniquely weird?  Please tell me I’m not alone.

 

I am the keymaster

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 27•13

fish tank 2So in the middle of my car window crisis, there was this:

My folks drive into California to visit relatives every so often and we are sort of fish sitting.  Well, we are in charge of feeding the fish over at their house.  It’s a HUGE tank.

Just before they left, my son attended Grandpa’s Fish Feeding Training Class.  I was given the alarm codes and we were all set.  Or were we?  What all parties forgot was that we needed one tiny thing more.

The key to the house!

The first afternoon (Wacky Wednesday), I was having an exceptionally crisis ridden day.  I drove out to feed the fish and discovered our oversight.   After a phone call to my folks in California, they decided to overnight the key to me on Thursday, paying extra for early morning delivery.  Fed Ex was supposed to be at my doorstep at 10am on Friday.

10am:  No Fed Ex.  No key.

11am: No Fed Ex. No key.

11:15am: I had to leave the house to run an errand and meet up with Jennifer, the power window reprogramming expert.  See yesterday’s post.

2pm: got home to find…no Fed Ex package. No key.

Called my Dad who said, though he paid for early delivery, the key was scheduled to get to me by 4:30pm.

3pm, key in hand, my son and I headed out to my folks’ house to find all fish alive, but unhappy to have been put on a two day diet.

They’ll be gone several more days and the fish will need to be fed each day, but not to worry.  I am the KEYMASTER!

Another Day; Another Crisis

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 26•13

CrazyIs there a target on my back? No, really.  Look.  Cuz every single day for almost two months, I’ve had a crisis or two or twelve to handle.  Weird stuff.  So weird you wouldn’t even believe me.  You probably think I’m exaggerating.  I wish I was.  What kinds of things have happened in the past few months?  This is only a partial list because my brain is on strike and I can’t remember any of the others.

My website was hacked…THREE TIMES.

My email didn’t work…TWICE.

My computer fan died.

My new iPhone wouldn’t work.

My son’s race kart was damaged and is now inop.

My son’s helmet cam was smashed into little pieces.

I broke my glasses in my sleep….

Oh, and my car window fell down.

My dh was heading off to work on Wednesday when he noticed my driver’s side passenger window was down and it refused to roll back up. The mechanism for the automatic windows failed.  The dealer was going to charge us $750 to fix it but within hours of discovering the problem, I had uncovered the solution via the information super highway.  Yes, there is a power window repair company in my neighborhood that only charged $99 for such a repair.  Well, $99 if you own a domestic vehicle, but how much could it be if your car spoke a foreign language?  $214.  But they would come to me so I wouldn’t have to drive it anywhere with the window stuck down.  End of story?  Of course not!  What fun would there be in that?

I made the appointment for the next day. In the meantime I had to run an errand close to home. I’ll tell you about that one tomorrow.  Suffice it to say that having your window open for two days in ARIDzona presents certain problems that might BUG you.  Ask me how I know.

Well, Robert came out and we had a good old time making jokes about my car misbehaving. He replaced the device that failed with a better part than the factory had installed.  End of story?  Of course not!

What took him 20 minutes to repair was only the beginning. Now he had to reprogram the computer to recognize when the window had reached the top.  A human being would have no trouble recognizing that it’s when the window hits the top, but a smart window is pretty dumb.

After over an hour we realized  that this smart window really was…it didn’t want to be reprogrammed.  They said some foreign vehicles resist programming. I think they fear the Borg!  Apparently, resistance isn’t futile because the window does roll up, but immediately rolls back down.

Robert was able to rig it up…so it would stay up, but it was Jennifer’s turn the next day.  I’m afraid to say Jennifer didn’t fare any better than Robert did.  But the window is up (as long as nobody touches it), it’s keeping out the riff raff and I’m scheduled to see Travis the programmer on Monday. He’s on the Borg ship.  It’ll be a “collective” effort.

SPAM Wars

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 25•13

250This is war! SPAM war!

I have the most powerful SPAM filter known to mankind, but some of it still comes through to my inbox.

No. I don’t want a Russian Wife.

NO. I don’t need an appetite suppressant.

NO, “Little Girlie,” I don’t want to see your pictures!

The Emporess Strikes Back!

I’m a queen of my inbox and I decide who goes thar!

My kingdom for a light sabor with a SPAM setting!

 

My New L@@K and the Moral(s) of this Story

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 24•13

After two weeks of eye doctor and optician struggle, I’m grapely pleased to announce that I have my new plum colored glasses!  I was cautiously optimistic as I drove out to pick them up yesterday, fearing I’d find them in the shape of yellow stars like Elton John in one of his album covers.  But here they are…

New Glasses1

What do you think?

There is a moral to this very long, complicated, frustrating and always hilarious story, but it’s actually a list:

1. Don’t wait ten years to get a back up pair of glasses unless you fancy PANIC!

2. Don’t fall asleep with  your only pair of ten year old glasses on your face and, if you do, make sure you don’t find them underneath you when you wake up!

3. If you’re squeamish about the air puff glaucoma test (or as I call it the AirSoft GUN), always ask if you can sign a waiver BEFORE you go in.  If you don’t, watch out for your arms.  Twisting hurts.

4. Ask the one-hour lab if they really can get your glasses done in one hour…THAT PARTICULAR DAY!

5. Be VERY careful that you cut up the CORRECT credit card when you receive your updated one in the mail.

6. When talking with a confusing receptionist, don’t believe a word she says, hang up, call again and ask to speak with anyone who knows anything.

I hope that CLEARS things up for you.  SEE you tomorrow for another funny episode of MY LIFE.

Yes, Virginia, there is a part five!

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 23•13

MadMy life is…complicated.  What takes most people a few minutes to accomplish, takes me at least six or seven days.  Weird stuff happens to me and absolutely NOTHING is as simple as even I expect so…of course there’s a part five!

In order to fully comprehend the silliness of this post, you’ll need to become familiar with parts one through four of the saga: Freshly Pressed Glasses, Dr. StrongArm, I Presume, The Great Eye Glass Case part three, and There’s a Part Four?

The reader’s digest, but less humorous, version goes like this:

I broke my only pair of glasses in my sleep; the first eye doctor refused to examine me because I didn’t submit my eyeballs to her airsoft gun; the one-hour place took two days to make my cheap, back-up pair; and while paying for my main pair, I realized that my credit card had expired and that, in my brain fogged state several months ago, I activated and then inadvertently destroyed the updated card.

On Friday, after several days (and fearing part five was coming), I called to inquire about my order.  Lisa (receptionist) couldn’t find my order in the computer (not that anything surprised me by this point) and asked me to spell my name…THREE TIMES.  She said she found the tray with my order, but the lenses were sent to an outside lab for “finishing.”  I was encouraged by that word so I asked if that meant they were almost done.  She had no idea when they would be ready as the lab wasn’t open until Monday and there was nobody in the office to ask.

I called back on Monday and asked for the rep who helped me.  As luck would have it, Lisa informed me that Eric was not working that day. Finding no frames with the order, she asked if was going to bring my own frames in.  A bit shocked at spending that kind of money for two lenses I’d have to hold up to my eyes, I said “no, I bought them from YOU!”  At which point, she informed me that the lenses were still out at the lab, but instead of for “finishing,” she said the reason was that they were progressives.  Why yes, I’m blind as an OLD bat.  She said she had no idea what was going on, but she’d call the lab and call me back as soon as she found out.

Next, I received a call from Eric (remember he wasn’t working that day?????) who said the frames never came in and the lab couldn’t make the lenses up without them so NOTHING had been done to this point.  He was apologetic and vowed to call the manufacturer to find out where my frames were TOOT SWEET.  And…he’d call me back when he found out.

An hour or so later, Eric called and told me that the frames where in their office the whole time.  Someone just put them in with all the other frames and forgot to send them out to the lab or put them with my order.  Again, he apologized for the delay and assured me that they would be sent to the lab TOOT SWEETER.  He would also call the lab to see if he could expedite the order.  Eric also said he wished I had asked for him on Friday because he could have helped sooner.  Uh…were you invisible on Friday?   ‘Cuz Lisa said nobody else was there to ask.

Meanwhile back at the ranch…my old glasses are falling apart bit by bit…LITERALLY!  There’s a chunk that cracked off the side of the right lens, three deep scratches on the same lens, the decorative part that goes over the left arm fell off, the right replacement screw holding the lens to the frame is sticking up and is rather pokey.  Also the left ear piece is cracked in two and is pinching my ear.  The other day, the magnet that fits inside the left side of the frame to hold the magnetic sun glasses on fell out, but I was able to get it back in…well, sort of.

By all calculations and educated guesses, I should have my new eyeballs today, but I’m not holding my breath…unless you think it might help.

My Grape Enabler

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 22•13

JOJOWHANDSHi, my name is JoJo and I’m a purple addict.  I have been purple 51 years and I don’t want to be cured.

My dh is my purple enabler.  As a matter of fact, my entire family is.  Along with all the purposeful purple gifts I’ve been given over the years, I’ve been given the most unusual gifts as well and often for no grape reason other than the fact that they were purple. Check out this short list of purple oddities.

My sister once sent me a square purple thing.  She got it by mistake when she bought something online and they didn’t want to take it back so she sent it to me.  I was hard pressed to figure out what it was at first.  It’s a tape measure.

My father once gave me a purple paper clip.

My dh makes sure to pick up the lavender, lilac or otherwise purple product if there is a choice at the store.  He got me lavender laundry detergent, purple paper towels, purple Listerine…

Do you have an obsession?  Is there an enabler in your life who helps you along?  Share your experiences.

 

Only in ARIDzona!

Written By: JoJoisms - Oct• 21•13

Snake AreaMy dh says this sign isn’t unusual.  I have passed this sign countless times in the past five years we’ve lived here (on the surface of the sun) and wanted to take a picture of it.

So here it is.

Only in ARIDzona would you need a sign on the walkway to the public library that told you to be alert because this was a SNAKE AREA!

Anyone else have one of these warnings in front of your public library?

Anyone have any other funny signs in your neck of the woods?